the B-word

controversy lulz

2008-07-14T22:38:15Z

Do you have the guts to answer these questions and repost as The Controversial Survey?
Etc., Etc., yea.

Would you do meth if it was legalized?
I hear one of its by-products are toothless charlatans who insist on bettering the world by not showering and writing bad checks. Nothing against meth. Just personal politics.

Abortion: for or against?
I'm for it. I don't believe everybody that wants it has a case that actually warrants an abortion, but if it's illegal people are going to get terrible sloppy, unmedicated, and life-threatening ones somewhere, somehow, any way they can.

Would our country fall with a woman president?
Not necessarily. Our country will fall with a weak president.

Do you believe in the death penalty?
Not so much.

Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
Yes, but... there are people who will abuse that to the fullest extent possible so I also dread that happening.

Are you for or against premarital sex?
I'm for it. This sounds strange to you, but... waiting until your married is selfish, irresponsible, and the fact that there are rules for having sex at all strikes me as odd in itself.

Do you believe in God?
When it's convenient.

Do you think that same sex marriage should be legalized?
No, but the constitution doesn't say anything about ANY marriage. What if all marriage were outlawed?

Do you think its wrong that so many Hispanics are moving to the USA?
If it weren't for all those Mexicans taking our jobs I'D be mowing that lawn! But on a serious note, the people who get here by shady means make it hard for people who get here by legit means, and that goes for any country. Sometimes I wonder, though, why somebody who wasn't born here could get their social security card easier than my brother, who is a citizen.

A 12 year old girl has a baby..should she keep it?
When you hear "12 year old girl with a baby" your natural instinct is to recoil. Most girls in America are going to be incapable, but consider this... there are cultures where there is no such thing as "teen" years. No such thing as moving away from your family and going to school, or living at home for free, or borrowing the car, or buying fashion magazines and shopping and dating cute boys. On the night of a child's 13th birthday in some cultures, that child is now a man or a woman. Yesterday you were a child, today you're working on raising a family. So really it depends on whether or not you're A.) a tool or B.) doing what you're supposed to.

Should the alcohol age be lowered to 18?
I think it's pretty insulting to say you can die for Uncle Sam and protect every person of every age in the country from enemies, you have the right to choose the next president, it's now acceptable for you to get booted out of your house and go to college and decide what you want to do for the rest of your life and pay your rent and bills, but... you're going into time out if you blow a .001

Should the war in Iraq be called off?
Yea.

Assisted suicide is illegal... do you agree?
Assisted suicide sounds a lot like homicide so I can support it being illegal.

Do you believe in spanking your children?
Some kids could honestly use a sound spanking. A sound BEATING is another story.

A mother is declared innocent after murdering her 5 children in a temporary insanity case... what do you think?
Man, get that shit out my face. I suffer from temporary insanity every day and it doesn't get me off the hook.

adios

2008-05-05T13:10:58Z

goodbye again, Raleigh.

I'm leaving you Saturday. By the looks of it, I'll be back often enough to convince you that I live in two places at once. Everyone here was worth meeting, but this new chapter is long overdue.

So long, and thanks for all the crazy-ass good times.

You know who you are.

maryzero @ 2008-04-21T14:39:00

2008-04-21T21:39:19Z

time is a reset button.

spontaneous

2008-03-27T01:27:15Z

A friend of mine said she's moving back to Wilmington and would I be her roommate, would I like to come back to Wilmington with her.

I said "sure".

I'm filling out my UNCW re-enrollment forms.

I'm really scared.

I'm even more excited, and kind of relieved.

My major is still Psychology. I'd like to do a.) sleep therapy b.) teach mind potential or c.) work with special needs kids, particularly those with Asperger's Syndrome.

send me some love. I sorely need it.

maryzero @ 2008-01-19T19:11:00

2008-01-21T00:13:21Z

Am I allowed to be this excited about my birthday already?

a-hem

2008-01-16T18:40:51Z

I'd like to take a moment now to cater to my own extreme vanity.

maryzero @ 2008-01-06T18:46:00

2008-01-06T23:51:42Z

I think my next goal is to wean myself off of LiveJournal entirely by the time I move out of the apartment I'm in now, which will be in May. I want to stay in contact with people, but a.)it's not like anyone reads anything anymore or b.) people use it as a round-about way to tell others to fuck off now? I was talking to a friend about how I agree that I don't want the world to see me being 16 and posting about my life on the internuts. Four, almost five years of my life are documented online. For some reason, that doesn't sit well with me anymore.

Not like I want to lose touch with people. Maybe this will motivate me to get updates from the source. It's nice to be out of the loop sometimes, but sucks losing touch with your friends.

I cleaned out my closet today. There are no more skeletons and the only chatter now comes from plastic coat-hangers.

In other news, I got over $100 in gift cards to Wal Mart AND Harris Teeter. That is awesome, because gift cards equate to legitimate stealing in my mind.

I am and am not excited about school tomorrow.

FUCK YEAH

2008-01-01T23:36:48Z

New Year was awesomely low key this year. I thought that would disappoint me, but it did the opposite. FUCK 2007. Not as bad as '06. I'm already really excited and prepared for this year. I'm already making plans! See:

A coworker and I came up with the great idea of having an 80's themed (or maybe even '90s) dinner party on February 29, since there's only one every four years. There will be high-fives, music, TV, phood, drink, and shoulder pads. All I wanna know is... who's coming with me?

I'm handing out happy new years for everybody!

maryzero @ 2007-12-27T22:22:00

2007-12-29T03:26:16Z

I'm finding out it's sobering how intermittent the love of one's friends is.

GMM

2007-12-21T21:40:20Z

the Global Marijuana March is coming back to Raleigh next year on my birthday!

Saturday, May 3 12pm-8pm
Raleigh's Capitol building

I'm SO there.

maryzero @ 2007-12-15T14:59:00

2007-12-16T20:01:36Z

Ben and Jerry's has rejected my suggestion for bacon flavored ice cream.

again.

maryzero @ 2007-12-12T11:46:00

2007-12-13T16:48:38Z

As of 10:50am today, I'm done with the semester. And that translates to me being almost done with this year. done. DONE! dunn dun dundun dun dun duhhhh... !

I stared at the sun and absorbed its energy.

maryzero @ 2007-12-07T10:35:00

2007-12-08T15:56:21Z

I never thought life could be as wonderful as it is when you intentionally lose your frame of reference. When your credo is "it is what it is". That sounds apathetic, but I would like to think that one could apply it in the opposite sentiment. Over analysis has been suffocating me, and now I feel as if I've cut away the plastic bag that previously confined my movement with a stranglehold. Not in a "nothing matters anymore" school of thought, but in a way which ushers you into that opium den of accepting and appreciating people and things for what they truly, and simply, are even if that means digging through the mire of false impressions first. Already my anxiety has reduced greatly. I've become friendlier, more accepting of people and their points of view. I think Aldous Huxley has influenced me greatly.

The Chinese have a concept known as "dao mei". If you constantly think about something, you can actually will that thing into existence. Dao mei is typically describing a manifestation of something negative, but if it's at all possible, it's possible in either direction. The potency of positivity is proving itself infinitely influential and viable.

"Dao", the nature of things
"mei", beauty

one has to wonder why willing anything unwanted into existence could imply beauty... but I think I'm starting to understand.

my kingdom for a kiss upon the shoulder

2007-11-19T19:34:53Z

The other day, this guy I've been seeing came over and I was excited about seeing him until he actually got here. I was turned off. Rather than propagate negative vibes, I told him that I don't know what's come over me, and (politely as I could) turned him away after only an hour or so. Not the first time this has happened. I was upset about this, because it's not normal behavior. It's unfair. And the worst part is I had no idea why all the irritated, angry feelings.

I figured it out. It's the past I said I'd let go of. One can convince themselves they've let go, but they haven't. People talk about closure. A memory is only truly "closed" when it is no longer emotionally charged. I had let my bad experiences get the better of me when I chose to forget them and push them away instead of really coming to terms and laying it all to rest. I've forgiven everybody involved, no question about that. I don't mean to give the impression that I have some long-lingering distaste for anybody I used to be romantically involved with, because that is NOT the case in any way. Still, I was holding on to everything that hurt me in the past. I thought I was hanging on to the hate that keeps me focused, but I was being foolish. I let my long dead bad experiences haunt my potentially happy future. I'm turning people away because I didn't realize how afraid I am.

I just want to know what it means when you say you love me. Do you mean you love me, but as long as you can continue to deplete my resources physical and emotional? Do you mean you love me, but are determined to keep me at arm's length to prove some kind of point because, then you could fancy yourself principled? Do you mean your love comes packaged with a lack of respect, understanding, or help? Or do you mean you cherish the time we share. Do you mean if any other woman were disguised in my skin, you'd know it isn't me. Do you mean you will accept with a fervor all of myself which includes seeing me in my worst of moments. Do you mean you understand my humanity as a woman is not limited to my sexuality. Do you mean you love me?

I know a lot of that sounds frustrated, but I'm feeling so liberated and benevolent. This brings me to my next reason to feel free.

I overheard some other Wake Tech student feeling as if they are now self-actualized. I think what they meant is, they are happy with change and staying busy to distract themselves (after I heard more of the conversation). Really? Self-actualized? That's talking a big game, but why not? I want to get there too. According to Abraham Maslow (and I'm not going intellectual all over everybody's asses for shits and giggles. My major was psychology AND this shit's on Wikipedia), a self actualized person has reached the zenith of their potential. The characteristics of a self-actualized individual are as follows: they EMBRACE REALITY instead of denying facts (something I discovered I had been doing in the areas I was so sure I hadn't left a pebble unturned), they are spontaneous, they are interested in solving problems (be that emotionally or otherwise, for themselves or anyone), they are accepting of themselves and others completely void of prejudice, they are independent and autonomous, they have few but ocean-deep friendships, they have a 'philosophical' (I guess that may mean ironic?) sense of humor, they resist outside pressure, and lastly they don't just cope with their environment... they transcend it.

This is the only resolution I'm making for the rest of my life, because it may take that long to touch the summit of this self-mountain. I'm feeling better and better every day just thinking about it, not to mention actually thinking these theoretical characteristics over and trying to exhibit them. If I practice them now, they may become organic one day. Everything about the past-- the anger, the prejudice, the pride-- is boring me to tears and I'm running toward my future now, a sprint that will never tire me.

boosting morale since 87

2007-11-15T15:13:07Z

don't get mad.

don't get even.

get out and expand your microcosm.

solutions and possibilities are unmasking themselves one by one.

a better life, new ways of thought, are hanging heavy in the air expecting to be plucked like apples.

your entire life is blooming like a flower, each unfolding petal a myriad of new possibilities.

if your inability to take care of yourself borders on becoming a handicap, remember change is always smiling right in your face. whether you choose to see it is entirely in your hands.

easier than you'd think.

special edition fuckfest

2007-11-03T14:32:43Z

I hate becoming so overwhelmed that I begin to get flaky. I've been trying to focus on so many things at once that I've gotten scatterbrained. I can't remember anything. I don't remember to call people. I don't clean my room. I don't do homework. I eventually realize I'm neglectful and freak out.

Today I aim to catch up on everything I've been meaning to do for the past week. I have a feeling it'll be like wading through high water.

whore and let whore

2007-10-31T18:22:29Z

Why anyone gets rumpled about scantily clad women on Halloween, I don't know. It's a fact of life. It happens every year. Maybe you've outgrown it, maybe you haven't. I'm not responsible for the behaviors of others. The word "slut" has lost its meaning. Sluts are anybody who has sex. Or anybody who looks like they might want to. Or anyone who just looks good. Maybe even anyone trying to look good. Hell, it could actually just be anybody.

The way I see it, everybody gets what they want in a depraved round-about way, on Halloween especially. You either find the excuse you've been looking for to refuse social graces OR you're the half who, grumbling about how you've retained some dignity (insert lavish praise), manages to wrestle a sense of self-worth from what you see before you. Either way, we're curiously self-assured (hopelessly self-centered?) when the day is over. There is a jagged disconnect between being expected to be sexually attractive and, simultaneously, sexually inactive.

I'm the sort who finds excuses, doesn't even need them. Halloween or not. yes. I'm THAT sort. Bacchus himself avoids my sexual frenzies. Sins of the flesh are among the least base, trespasses against faith, love, trust, and goodwill among the worst.

If it weren't for the weather, I'd be a nudist. Not for Halloween, but forever.

maryzero @ 2007-10-17T10:29:00

2007-10-18T14:30:31Z

I am done with people who rely on others to make them happy, especially men.

How did I overlook so many wonderful people? How do they overlook themselves? Let every personality be a lesson to you.

join me, in this order

2007-10-02T18:21:47Z

So there's some stuff going on that I think would be a lot more fun with friends, if anyone wants to join me.

October 5 (Friday) is the Eccentrik Art gallery open to the public for five dollars on Glenwood downtown. It's supposed to deal with dark, sometimes uncomfortable themes in art and it sounds like something interesting to do on a Friday which isn't too expensive. That's from 7 to 10pm.

October 13 (Saturday) I'm going to try to get a yard sale together in my tiny yard! It'll be a combined effort between me and possibly others, but let me know if you're dying to get money for the stuff you don't use and you can a.) sell your shit or b.) buy ours. I think I'll probably post an ad on craigslist for it and hope people actually read the garage sale section.

October 27 (Saturday) It's just an idea, but I was tossing around the idea of having an underwear party with some friends last night and everyone I talked to about it said they'd definitely show up. My roommate doesn't think it'll be cool, but I do. If enough people are interested, we should do that.

drop me a line.

whut.

2007-10-01T03:17:42Z

I might be clinically insane, because I'm seriously considering moving back to Wilmington.

At least there'd already be people I know living there.

maryzero @ 2007-09-11T14:07:00

2007-09-11T18:10:20Z

This is me. My IQ and SAT scores were ridiculous and still not a day goes by that I don't feel like a fucking idiot. I'm not complaining. It gives me hope. Maybe all these numbers don't actually mean anything about me.

maryzero @ 2007-08-25T22:14:00

2007-08-27T02:15:19Z

last night I had a dream that the skin on my right foot was tearing apart to reveal no muscular structure or bones, but neatly cut raw meatloaf.

MY RIGHT FOOT WAS MEATLOAF

listen to me. LISTEN

2007-08-24T13:57:44Z

This is my life

1. last night I went to Target with my roommates. I saw a Hello Kitty cut-out right above the Hello Kitty electronics and I said, half joking, to Rob "give that to me!". Without hesitation, question, or fear of consequence he ripped it off and jammed it in my purse. POP! Half of me was surprised. The other half was like YAYAYAYYAYAYAPOOP like Zena
2. I'm in skool again! Kinda sweet. Except my math class bores me to tears. At least I know I'll be doing really well in it. I still want to transfer to UNC. I should've just done that straight from UNCW but I let my grades slip and I hated that town and for whatever reason I felt like I wanted to come back to Raleigh. I did, but I feel as if I'm ready to have a really exciting life and not a really petty one with people antagonizing me and then playing it off by telling their friends they're cool with me and me wondering when did the people I know become such mega douche-towel losers.
3.I found my soulmate. It is made of hair and cutes.

4. I got teeth whitener! it made me sick.

movin up! BWHAHAHA

2007-08-04T17:30:46Z

I just landed a job as the assistant to a professor of philosophy at UNC Chapel Hill! I don't even remember the last time I was this excited about work!

maryzero @ 2007-07-23T13:45:00

2007-07-24T17:47:22Z

So last night while I was closing Hello Kitty, I noticed a commercial on the radio for Wells Fargo. Which isn't strange, but what made me pay attention to it was RJD2's Ghostwriter was playing in the background. RJD2 on a Wells Fargo commercial. WEIRD. Not as weird as Of Montreal on the Outback commercials, though.

In other news, my oven caught on fire. It was scary.